 |
| http://www.flickr.com/photos/phoebe_photo |
Friday night, I saw the guy I liked (gosh, sounding juvenile there) OK, a guy I was attracted to and I suddenly felt so insecure. The last time I felt that way was back in high school and I never thought this would haunt me again in my mid 30s.
Tried hard to fight it with ego-boosting thoughts but instead, what came into my mind was "you're not worth all the work." Sad. But what's even sadder was I believed that. I mean, for someone single such as this guy I liked to even think of dating me, he'd have to consider my status of being a solo mom, my responsibilities, my age (especially when this guy is younger than me), my career, etc.
The last time I seriously dated was 9 years ago and my last serious relationship was 12 years ago (Marti's Dad) and when people ask me why I'm not dating, it's like adding insult to injury so out of politeness I'd usually answer that I'm too busy with family, career and service. In the first place, although my life views have changed drastically over the years, I still believe that the "asking out" should still be a male responsibility. Second, most of the men who ask me out are either too old (as old as my Dad or even older!) or too married or worse, both!
It's not as if I'm not open to dating. Just a few days ago, talking over the phone with my cousin Paola, I replied to her question that of course I was ready for marriage. Her comment was "you may be open to marriage but you should be open to dating first." That was quite insightful but it made me think about the blind date I went on almost 3 years ago. As I strode into the restaurant and approached the table where my blind date was, I reached out to shake his hand with the warmest smile I could give and the first thing this guy says to me is "Naku mukha kang mayaman (oh my you look like you're rich)" Wow, this guy hasn't even heard a word from me and he already thinks I'm too much work! OK, the guy may have self-confidence issues but the experience somehow made me think that dating, at least for blind dates, could take a backseat for the time being.
Looking back now I realize, that's just it, I AM a lot of work. Simply because I have put a lot of work in myself. I've worked hard on my self-confidence so much so that I hold my head up high when I say I'm a solo parent to a wonderful son. So if you're insecure, I'd be too much work. That I've learned to celebrate my curves and make peace with my physical flaws. So if you're narrow-minded, I'd be too much work. That I've reached the pinnacle of my career on my own, continue to be a voracious learner and even find time to serve the Lord in the best way I can. So if you can't handle that, I'd be too much work.
As one of my favorite authors, Dr. M. Scott Peck says, "the antithesis of love is laziness" therefore if a man thinks that I'm not worth the work then he's not worth the love.
One last thing, to Mr. Nice if you think I'm sorta aloof because I keep looking away when you're near and you're not going to find out why (it's because I like you, silly), then it's your loss :D
The last time I seriously dated was 9 years ago and my last serious relationship was 12 years ago (Marti's Dad) and when people ask me why I'm not dating, it's like adding insult to injury so out of politeness I'd usually answer that I'm too busy with family, career and service. In the first place, although my life views have changed drastically over the years, I still believe that the "asking out" should still be a male responsibility. Second, most of the men who ask me out are either too old (as old as my Dad or even older!) or too married or worse, both!
It's not as if I'm not open to dating. Just a few days ago, talking over the phone with my cousin Paola, I replied to her question that of course I was ready for marriage. Her comment was "you may be open to marriage but you should be open to dating first." That was quite insightful but it made me think about the blind date I went on almost 3 years ago. As I strode into the restaurant and approached the table where my blind date was, I reached out to shake his hand with the warmest smile I could give and the first thing this guy says to me is "Naku mukha kang mayaman (oh my you look like you're rich)" Wow, this guy hasn't even heard a word from me and he already thinks I'm too much work! OK, the guy may have self-confidence issues but the experience somehow made me think that dating, at least for blind dates, could take a backseat for the time being.
Looking back now I realize, that's just it, I AM a lot of work. Simply because I have put a lot of work in myself. I've worked hard on my self-confidence so much so that I hold my head up high when I say I'm a solo parent to a wonderful son. So if you're insecure, I'd be too much work. That I've learned to celebrate my curves and make peace with my physical flaws. So if you're narrow-minded, I'd be too much work. That I've reached the pinnacle of my career on my own, continue to be a voracious learner and even find time to serve the Lord in the best way I can. So if you can't handle that, I'd be too much work.
As one of my favorite authors, Dr. M. Scott Peck says, "the antithesis of love is laziness" therefore if a man thinks that I'm not worth the work then he's not worth the love.
One last thing, to Mr. Nice if you think I'm sorta aloof because I keep looking away when you're near and you're not going to find out why (it's because I like you, silly), then it's your loss :D
No comments:
Post a Comment