Tapestry

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mishism

It has almost been 3 weeks now that I've been asked by my Dad and my Stepmom to be caretaker of their condo unit in Gramercy Residences and guardian of my 3-year old half-sister Gianna.

The experience was challenging with my sister crying almost everyday but I felt giddy, not having been trusted with such an enormous responsibility since I quit my job at the Consulate last year. I knew I could do this and was elated that my Dad even thought of me when he could have asked someone from among his dozens of relatives.

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100 Things You Ought To Know about Me

"The unexamined life is not worth living." ~ Socrates

That's probably the quote from high school that stuck with me the most. So at 38 today, I decided to go back on my life and look if I've examined my life well enough and found the journey quite liberating. 

I thought of sharing here what I found out about myself in the hopes that you'll get an idea of who I am or if you already know me, at least to understand me better. Fair warning, if you get offended by some of the facts I reveal here, I won't be sorry :)

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1. I was at my happiest when I was pregnant with Marti. 

me and my Marti

2. Kindness is always better.

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My Other Half

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Alone on the rooftop with Jon Hopkins' Cold Out There on repeat, I stare at the spiraling glow of the cigarette slowly eating its way to the filter. The never-ending, nagging question presents itself again: Why are you doing this? 

Because it makes me handle the loneliness. Somehow. 

But there's another way to handle that. 

What? I ask and there's just silence. 

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Missing My Babies

http://www.flickr.com/photos/monkeymashbutton

In our usual morning routine, I would sit in the living room and work on oDesk while my nephew Asti would watch his Disney Junior shows and he's into his shows so much, you'll regret it if you so much as touch him while he's watching.

But today as he was watching his favorite Hi-Five, I caressed his back as he was coughing then he smiled at me, took my hand and held it as he continued to watch his show.

I looked at our hands and tears started to burn my eyes. I thought, how I miss my babies. Yes, babies. Because as far as I could remember, I have dreamed of having a brood of five or at least three especially when my Mom only had me and my sister.

Don't get me wrong, I love my son. He's the best thing that's ever happened in my life but I thought he'd have four siblings by now.

Maybe it's because I'll be 38 soon and realizing the 40 years I have left on this earth---if I'm lucky---seem such short a time to spend with my future children if they will ever exist.

But I still look forward to whatever God has in store for me. After all, He is the Restorer of lost time.

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