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Saturday, April 21, 2012


Mommy and me at 2 months old

"No amount of money could ever account for not having a mother."~ Drop Dead Diva

Was watching a marathon of one of my favorite series Drop Dead Diva and saw the episode where Deb reincarnated as Jane faces her mom who's filing for a divorce from her dad and I found myself crying, with that ache in my heart feeling like becoming fresh again. 

I miss my Mom. I've missed her every single day from the day she passed away a day after 9-11 in 2001. A few years ago in a Facebook application where you're asked to reveal 25 things people don't know about you, I listed there that I cried everyday for my Mom for 5 straight years. A lot of people got surprised of that revelation, especially to my own family. No one close to me knew how deeply I was still mourning for my Mom even after so many years. 

One day I was hearing mass and the priest said in his Homily that mourning is normal but mourning for more than a year is an insult to God because it signifies lack of faith. I felt guilty. Now I wasn't only hurting because of my grief, I was hurting doubly because I never even realized my faith was in crisis!

But how do you get over losing the one person who made everything alright? Someone who sacrificed everything for you and yet never complained? One who loved you unconditionally in the truest, most genuine sense of the word? Today, as I was watching that episode, it suddenly dawned on me. Aching this much over someone you truly love and someone who loved you as much or possibly more could not be wrong. I mean isn't that the way God ached for us? So much so that He gave up His only Son? And isn't that the way we should long for Jesus in our life? I learned from the Makati Feast that we should long for Christ like we thirst for water or gasp for air. 

So all this aching and mourning could not be wrong if it is meant to always remember how the person we long and hurt for once cherished and cared for us; if every tear reminds us that we were and are utterly loved. Besides, I don't mind the tears because of The Father's promise: 
"When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth."

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