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Sunday, January 18, 2015

Parents Get Hurt Too

Most of the time, our children think we are these creatures who are in their lives to meddle into their affairs constantly, dictators who merely exist to torture them into doing chores they think they shouldn't be doing and/ or credit cards without limits they can use with abandon.

I know you're thinking "may pinaghuhugutan ito! (she's talking from experience)". But admit it, as a parent haven't you stopped once (or even more!) and told yourself those very things?
Haven't you gone through times when you think, is my child deliberately doing this to hurt me? Does he/ she really think I don't get hurt? I've even gone as far as thinking that probably Marti is treating me like this to see if I do bleed and therefore still human. Maybe it's just adolescence. Come to think of it, at that age I was just like my son: a loner and sulky all the time. Maybe, it's my emotional-always-taking-things-too-seriously self talking here again. Like Ninang Joy once told me, I needed to lighten up as a parent because we can only do so much. Yeah I need to remember that...all the time!

Looking for some words of wisdom on parents hurting, I found this site from Cornell University, The Legacy Project and this article: 
"Children Who Break Your Heart": A Reader Asks for Your Advice

Wow, a lot of out there are hurting! And these are the comments which some I found heartbreaking and others heartwarming:

"If you are a parent, you owe your children unconditional love and support, no matter what they do. This is how God deals with us, and this is how we must deal with our children. Broaden your horizons, reach out to other people who need you, make your own life count. Never stop loving your children, but stop blaming them for your unhappiness. You can build a happy life for yourself and perhaps, in time, your children will come back to you with a changed attitude. But you must build your life, whether they come back or not."

"Other then that, realize that you have your own life now, and look for new ways to put meaning into that life………………..volunteer, make new friends at the senior centers….etc. et.c
When the time is right, they will return to the nest. Anything you receive from adult children are a bonus. God Bless"

"Once our children reach the age of adulthood we need to let go, allow them to be who they are, and love them unconditionally. We don’t have control over the actions of others. We do have control over how we allow their actions to effect us. The saying Let Go and Let God is perfect in this situation. You can be there for your child when they need you but you can’t live their life for them and once they are of the age of being responsible for their actions they will have to live with them as well. Love is the greatest gift you can give and sometimes that is all you can do. Let go of your disappointments they are not yours to bare. If your child is abusive, mentally or physically, it is important that you take care of yourself, if it means distancing yourself from them, then do so. Let Go and Let God"

"I am now forgiving myself for leaving when I did and realizing I was a good mom and did the best of everything I could have done. I must have since my son is a wonderful young man. As parents, we can only do what we can."

"My therapist taught me that I am a “non-person of function” to my daughter. I know….weird. It means I only matter to her in terms of what I can do for her. I am happy to say my heart is not broken anymore….bruised… but still whole and full of hope. I am going to be the best person I can be…knowing I am in charge of my own life and determined to let go of what bewilders and befuddles me!"

How do you handle hurts as a parent? Do you have any advice? Share your story at the comments below.

Are you looking for a place to share your joys and pains as a parent? Check out our care group MaSiPaG (Married Individuals Single Parents Care Group). 

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