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Monday, January 5, 2015

Terrifying, Strange and Beautiful

I am an extremely introspective person. 

I love that about myself. It's what made me survive puberty, heartaches, loss of family and friends, single motherhood and many other events in my life that an average person would not have withstood without an anesthetic or at least a tinge of neurosis. But perhaps what makes this trait more valuable is that it is in these occasions where I find solace through my conversations with God. So being told that thinking too much is a flaw of mine, made me start doubting my journey and of course, myself.  

I know, I know... the matriarchs in our family are probably turning in their graves right now! How could I doubt the journey I went through, the very one that has led me to what I am right now: not a brat, not indifferent, not lazy, not vindictive? No, I couldn't allow this, should never allow it. Again, I turn to the written word to restore my faith in myself and I found it in Warsan Shire

I don't know what my karmic connection is to women of color but they have always inspired me: Maya Angelou, Oprah Winfrey and now Warsan. When I read her poem "For Women Who Are Difficult to Love" I thought she had looked into my very soul and written the story of my heart:

For Women Who Are Difficult To Love by Warsan Shire

Yes, I am terrifying, strange and beautiful... and I am never going to apologize for it. Yes, I may be difficult to love but who isn't? Loving someone other than yourself or someone not blood-related IS difficult but it is a worthy choice. Why? Because 2,000 years ago, someone who didn't even know me, chose to love me and even died for me. And I'm glad He never apologized for doing that and for being just as terrifying, strange and beautiful. 

So no, I'm not selling out. I'll always be proud of my journey and will never sacrifice it for anything, not even for love. The matriarchs can rest easy now. 

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