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Monday, March 16, 2015

You're Fat, You're Too Sexy, You're Too... Whatever, Just Know You Should Feel Bad About Yourself!

"Taba mo na." (You're fat)

Wow. And the woman who told me this was 3x my weight! I don't mean to judge her too but just couldn't help it. Because in that moment, it didn't matter to this person who I was or what I do or what I have accomplished so far, only that I had gained weight and that amounted to total failure in life. At least in her eyes.

She reminded me a little of my Mom. Like most women, Mommy struggled with weight probably until the year she got sick.  I saw how she cleverly rebuffed the same kind of comments, more of which came from family but I knew deep inside she still got affected. If she only knew how much I was so in awe of her beauty. I would sit behind her and pretend I would be reading something or watching TV and be amazed by how carefully she would put on her make-up, choose what jewelry to wear with her beautiful clothes which were always well-coordinated. She was a very beautiful woman and that's why I learned to look beyond the vital statistics, beyond ideal weight, beyond dress sizes. I learned what true beauty is because of my Mom. 

But you know what, I wasn't only called out for being overweight. About a year ago when I went on a GM diet, I posted this photo on Facebook:

Got a lot of 'likes' and compliments and I really felt good about my self. Actually I've always liked my body, overweight or not, because I like my curves. Some women have to spend tons of money just to have my natural 'ass'ets and I was already born with them! :D

Anyway, back to the picture. When I went to my weekly meeting of single parents, you know what I got from the guys there? An earful. Yes, I was put down because I had posted what is according to them was too provocative and that I should be ashamed! Wow! One said that the reason why I had been recently getting invitation to dates was because I had posted that picture. One even claimed that a creepy guy had probably downloaded my photo and was masturbating to it. I was so dumbfounded that I was left speechless--- a first since I was the chatty one in our group.

I went home that night really feeling down and yes, ashamed. Exactly how the guys wanted me to feel. I was used to girls saying nasty things to one another that's why I have learned my Mom's rebuffing skills but hearing it from guys... I was floored. I haven't second-guessed my life in a long while, until that night. I wasn't getting dates because I was attractive, confident or at least was a good conversationalist? And, ewww, had I invited creeps into my social network because of that one goddamn picture?

I started to lose faith in the opposite sex again. I had worked really hard to trust men again, only to come to this? 

Well, at least one good man was able to redeem his lot from my blacklist and it was my son. Told Marti about what happened at the meeting and he knocked some sense into his mother. He said not to mind those guys because when they said those things, they had a different agenda. To the one who said that I was only getting dates because I had posted the picture, Marti said that the guy was actually interested in me but couldn't do anything about it so he'd rather put me down. Typical boy behavior: trying to make the girl that he likes to cry to get her attention. Lame!

As for the one who said that guys are probably doing nasty things with my picture, Marti said to stay away from him because he's probably the one who was doing that! My son made me laugh so hard! He reminded me that my page was set on 'friends only' so only my friends could see my photos. Hay, so proud that my son is not only super smart but also very supportive! I'm glad I'm raising a good man!

So my advice to women: train yourself to only listen to your inner voice and drown out the rest. It's also best to surround yourself with people who love you, will always support you and know you even better than yourself so when you start to feel down, they exactly know what to say to pick you up!

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