You're Fat, You're Too Sexy, You're Too... Whatever, Just Know You Should Feel Bad About Yourself!

"Taba mo na." (You're fat)

Wow. And the woman who told me this was 3x my weight! I don't mean to judge her too but just couldn't help it. Because in that moment, it didn't matter to this person who I was or what I do or what I have accomplished so far, only that I had gained weight and that amounted to total failure in life. At least in her eyes.

She reminded me a little of my Mom. Like most women, Mommy struggled with weight probably until the year she got sick.  I saw how she cleverly rebuffed the same kind of comments, more of which came from family but I knew deep inside she still got affected. If she only knew how much I was so in awe of her beauty. I would sit behind her and pretend I would be reading something or watching TV and be amazed by how carefully she would put on her make-up, choose what jewelry to wear with her beautiful clothes which were always well-coordinated. She was a very beautiful woman and that's why I learned to look beyond the vital statistics, beyond ideal weight, beyond dress sizes. I learned what true beauty is because of my Mom. 

But you know what, I wasn't only called out for being overweight. About a year ago when I went on a GM diet, I posted this photo on Facebook:

Got a lot of 'likes' and compliments and I really felt good about my self. Actually I've always liked my body, overweight or not, because I like my curves. Some women have to spend tons of money just to have my natural 'ass'ets and I was already born with them! :D

Anyway, back to the picture. When I went to my weekly meeting of single parents, you know what I got from the guys there? An earful. Yes, I was put down because I had posted what is according to them was too provocative and that I should be ashamed! Wow! One said that the reason why I had been recently getting invitation to dates was because I had posted that picture. One even claimed that a creepy guy had probably downloaded my photo and was masturbating to it. I was so dumbfounded that I was left speechless--- a first since I was the chatty one in our group.

I went home that night really feeling down and yes, ashamed. Exactly how the guys wanted me to feel. I was used to girls saying nasty things to one another that's why I have learned my Mom's rebuffing skills but hearing it from guys... I was floored. I haven't second-guessed my life in a long while, until that night. I wasn't getting dates because I was attractive, confident or at least was a good conversationalist? And, ewww, had I invited creeps into my social network because of that one goddamn picture?

I started to lose faith in the opposite sex again. I had worked really hard to trust men again, only to come to this? 

Well, at least one good man was able to redeem his lot from my blacklist and it was my son. Told Marti about what happened at the meeting and he knocked some sense into his mother. He said not to mind those guys because when they said those things, they had a different agenda. To the one who said that I was only getting dates because I had posted the picture, Marti said that the guy was actually interested in me but couldn't do anything about it so he'd rather put me down. Typical boy behavior: trying to make the girl that he likes to cry to get her attention. Lame!

As for the one who said that guys are probably doing nasty things with my picture, Marti said to stay away from him because he's probably the one who was doing that! My son made me laugh so hard! He reminded me that my page was set on 'friends only' so only my friends could see my photos. Hay, so proud that my son is not only super smart but also very supportive! I'm glad I'm raising a good man!

So my advice to women: train yourself to only listen to your inner voice and drown out the rest. It's also best to surround yourself with people who love you, will always support you and know you even better than yourself so when you start to feel down, they exactly know what to say to pick you up!

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A New Path

https://www.flickr.com/photos/15636379@N00/8026026425

Wow, haven't been here in awhile... almost a year! But it's only because I have been led to a new path. A path that used to be elusive but is now in view and as clear as a summer's day. A path that led to Angelo.

Yes, after 14 years I am now in a new relationship and it's with someone I least expected. You see I've known Angelo for over 25 years. He was my classmate in Grade 4 at St. Paul Makati. I couldn't even recall if we spoke during those times but after our grade school reunion in 2008, we became good friends. We only saw each other a few times since then but kept in touch through emails, text messages and social networks especially during tough times which we as single parents almost always had. I was just happy to offer advice to him and even invited him to MaSiPaG. But by 2013, our friendship unexpectedly changed into something more. And the rest, should I say, is history. 

I would like to share something I wrote at that time when I was discerning about whether or not to go into a relationship with Angelo. I hope it would somehow inspire and give hope especially to single parents who have been hurt or are still in pain. Believe that the Lord is planning something phenomenal that would turn your tears and pain to laughter and love!

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Not Worth All the Work

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Friday night, I saw the guy I liked (gosh, sounding juvenile there) OK, a guy I was attracted to and I suddenly felt so insecure. The last time I felt that way was back in high school and I never thought this would haunt me again in my mid 30s. 

Tried hard to fight it with ego-boosting thoughts but instead, what came into my mind was "you're not worth all the work." Sad. But what's even sadder was I believed that. I mean, for someone single such as this guy I liked to even think of dating me, he'd have to consider my status of being a solo mom, my responsibilities, my age (especially when this guy is younger than me), my career, etc. 

The last time I seriously dated was 9 years ago and my last serious relationship was 12 years ago (Marti's Dad) and when people ask me why I'm not dating, it's like adding insult to injury so out of politeness I'd usually answer that I'm too busy with family, career and service. In the first place, although my life views have changed drastically over the years, I still believe that the "asking out" should still be a male responsibility. Second, most of the men who ask me out are either too old (as old as my Dad or even older!) or too married or worse, both! 

It's not as if I'm not open to dating. Just a few days ago, talking over the phone with my cousin Paola, I replied to her question that of course I was ready for marriage. Her comment was "you may be open to marriage but you should be open to dating first." That was quite insightful but it made me think about the blind date I went on almost 3 years ago. As I strode into the restaurant and approached the table where my blind date was, I reached out to shake  his hand with the warmest smile I could give and the first thing this guy says  to me is "Naku mukha kang mayaman (oh my you look like you're rich)" Wow, this guy hasn't even heard a word from me and he already thinks I'm too much work! OK, the guy may have self-confidence issues but the experience somehow made me think that dating, at least for blind dates, could take a backseat for the time being. 

Looking back now I realize, that's just it, I AM a lot of work. Simply because I have put a lot of work in myself. I've worked hard  on my self-confidence so much so that I hold my head up high when I say I'm a solo parent to a wonderful son. So if you're insecure, I'd be too much work. That I've learned to celebrate my curves and make peace with my physical flaws. So if you're narrow-minded, I'd be too much work. That I've reached the pinnacle of my career on my own, continue to be a voracious learner and even find time to serve the Lord in the best way I can. So if you can't handle that, I'd be too much work. 

As one of my favorite authors, Dr. M. Scott Peck says, "the antithesis of love is laziness" therefore if a man thinks that I'm not worth the work then he's not worth the love. 

One last thing, to Mr. Nice if you think I'm sorta aloof because I keep looking away when you're near and you're not going to find out why (it's because I like you, silly), then it's your loss :D

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What's in a Name? You are!

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Been  depressed recently, stressed with family issues and financial burdens. Last Sunday during our usual mother-and-son lunch date, was in a daze again thinking of ways to increase my passive income streams when Marti suddenly said, "our family sure has unique names, don't we Mama?" He probably noticed I was unusually quiet.

"Ah you mean Asti's name? Justice Freeman?" I replied.

"Yup, and your name. How did Mommy get your name again?"

"Well, I remembered that it was Daddylo (my Mom's father) who asked her to use Millicent since it means 'strength' in Hebrew. But Mom also told me she thought it was appropriate when the name seems to be an abbreviation for million cents. She said the first time she saw me she knew I was going to be rich!"

Marti and I laughed about the reminiscing but right there and then I realized my son unwittingly gave me the encouragement I desperately needed: and it was in my name!

Sometimes, we are so overwhelmed with worries when we hardly realize that God had already given us the gifts to overcome any and all of our problems. In my case, I was in despair and yet what I sought for was already given to me from birth.

Do you believe that God chose your name for you? He said "Do not be afraid, I am with you. I have called you each by name." So know the meaning of your name and love it!

P.S.
My son's name was from my Dad and from Ricky Martin to whom I was obsessed with when I was pregnant. Later on we found it's true meaning:
Robert---means 'boss'
Martin---means 'warrior'
which Marti now prefers to tell especially when Ricky Martin has come out of the closet ;-D

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Baby Number 2: Tough Choice for a Single Mom

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My sister and I have been known to be baby-obsessed and as early as 8 years old we were already trusted to look after our infant cousins, mostly girls. That's why whenever I'm asked what was the happiest part of my life, I quickly answer that it was when I became a mom!

Having Marti was both planned and unplanned. Being a mom has always been in my plans but being a single parent was by choice. Either way, the journey has been nurturing and enriching emotionally and spiritually. 10 years later, something inside (biological clock?) has been ticking louder and louder everyday. And when my very first nephew Ästi was born and Marti was so ecstatic, it finally hit me...it's time for Baby Number 2!

But for single parents, it's not that simple and the most obvious reason of course is the lack of a spouse/ partner. Haven't been in a serious relationship since Marti's Dad and although I have gone on several casual dates, none was even close to "boyfriend"-material (ugh that words seems so outdated for my age).  Adoption and artificial insemination did cross my mind but decided against them. Adoption looks more complicated than single parenthood and  a.i. seems...well...where's the fun in that? And with Marti's wit, I'm afraid my next child would be even sharper so how would I answer the inevitable question, "Mom, where's my Dad?"

So now I'm resetting my biological clock with an earlier alarm and keeping my fingers crossed: by 2012 I will have Baby Number 2. How to accomplish that is what I'll work on until then...

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Lessons on Effective Single Parenting

Found an interesting article about single parenting:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/fauxto_dkp/

Lessons on Effective Single Parenting - How to Raise Well Rounded Kids By Jamie Rona  Article Word Count: 403 [View Summary] Comments (0)

Whether you are a single parent by choice or by circumstance, the rules on effective single parenting basically remain the same. Any single parent should use these rules as their guide so that they can successfully raise well-rounded kids.

The first thing to know about effective single parenting is that being one doesn't mean you have to be alone. Having people to help you and a solid support group you can rely on cannot instantly diminish the feeling of loneliness but it can keep you balanced emotionally and in dire cases, financially. Your family members and closest friends can help you build an atmosphere where your children would never feel that they lack something in their lives - especially love and warmth.

Effective single parenting means separating your feelings of anger and bitterness from your children. If you are dealing with a divorce, remember that whatever happened to you are because of your life choices so do not ever put the blame on the kids. Also, be sure to give them an assurance that it's not their fault. Kids are very sensitive when facing issues such as death or divorce and your assurance will give them a sense of security.

The challenge of being a single parent means you have to deal with the financial burden of raising kids alone. Effective single parenting encourages finding financial stability while giving your kids their needs. The key here is in making your kids understand that the needs of the family come first and their wants are secondary to this priority. This doesn't mean you deprive them. Teach your kids to be frugal and learn the value of every cent that comes in. If they can't have the luxuries they want, teach them to be creative.

Every child loves their parents' dependability. Effective single parenting would tell you to be a solid rock your children can lean on. Create an atmosphere that would make them feel that they can trust you and that you will always be there to love them. Children grow better when they feel that they don't have to change themselves just to reach your possibly unrealistic expectations of them.

Many men and women have managed to raise great kids despite being single parents. If you use these tips on effective single parenting, you will find that despite being alone and despite the trials, raising your kids is still a pretty rewarding experience.

Jamie is a freelance writer who enjoys fitness and the outdoors. She loves to make healthy smoothies and juices using her Blendtec Total Blender. In addition to writing, Jamie loves to spend time with her three kids and their two dogs. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jamie_Rona

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Funny Single Mom Movie: The Back-up Plan

"Fall in Love, Get Married, Have a Baby...not necessarily in that order."

Heard about how funny this movie is! It stars Jennifer Lopez who is a 30-something New Yorker who is tired of dating and decides to have a go at motherhood through in vitro fertilization, only to meet Mr. Right on the same day!


Opening soon across the Philippines , “The Back-Up Plan” is distributed by Columbia
Pictures, local office of Sony Pictures Releasing International.

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