Missing My Babies

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In our usual morning routine, I would sit in the living room and work on oDesk while my nephew Asti would watch his Disney Junior shows and he's into his shows so much, you'll regret it if you so much as touch him while he's watching.

But today as he was watching his favorite Hi-Five, I caressed his back as he was coughing then he smiled at me, took my hand and held it as he continued to watch his show.

I looked at our hands and tears started to burn my eyes. I thought, how I miss my babies. Yes, babies. Because as far as I could remember, I have dreamed of having a brood of five or at least three especially when my Mom only had me and my sister.

Don't get me wrong, I love my son. He's the best thing that's ever happened in my life but I thought he'd have four siblings by now.

Maybe it's because I'll be 38 soon and realizing the 40 years I have left on this earth---if I'm lucky---seem such short a time to spend with my future children if they will ever exist.

But I still look forward to whatever God has in store for me. After all, He is the Restorer of lost time.

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Baby Number 2: Tough Choice for a Single Mom

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My sister and I have been known to be baby-obsessed and as early as 8 years old we were already trusted to look after our infant cousins, mostly girls. That's why whenever I'm asked what was the happiest part of my life, I quickly answer that it was when I became a mom!

Having Marti was both planned and unplanned. Being a mom has always been in my plans but being a single parent was by choice. Either way, the journey has been nurturing and enriching emotionally and spiritually. 10 years later, something inside (biological clock?) has been ticking louder and louder everyday. And when my very first nephew Ästi was born and Marti was so ecstatic, it finally hit me...it's time for Baby Number 2!

But for single parents, it's not that simple and the most obvious reason of course is the lack of a spouse/ partner. Haven't been in a serious relationship since Marti's Dad and although I have gone on several casual dates, none was even close to "boyfriend"-material (ugh that words seems so outdated for my age).  Adoption and artificial insemination did cross my mind but decided against them. Adoption looks more complicated than single parenthood and  a.i. seems...well...where's the fun in that? And with Marti's wit, I'm afraid my next child would be even sharper so how would I answer the inevitable question, "Mom, where's my Dad?"

So now I'm resetting my biological clock with an earlier alarm and keeping my fingers crossed: by 2012 I will have Baby Number 2. How to accomplish that is what I'll work on until then...

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