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Had some difficulty in handling Marti when I found out he started lying about school projects. I solicited help from my sister, his Papa, his teacher including the guidance counselor. In the end, our concerted efforts paid off and I've seen a lot of improvement in my son when it comes to honesty.
Found this helpful article that advises on such a problem:
Parents - Are You Inadvertently Encouraging Your Child to Lie? By Sandra Dye  Article Word Count: 545 [View Summary] Comments (0) |
LIES ARE NORMAL
- By age two, 20% of children will lie
- By age four, 50% of children will lie
- By age 12 lies peak and by age 16 there is a decrease to 70%
Reassuring news for parents came in that researchers found that there is no link between telling fibs in childhood and a tendency to cheat in exams or later in life. Healthy intelligent children tell more elaborate lies. By age 7 it is important to teach the basics of the importance of honest and the negatives of lies.
ANGRY FRUSTRATED INTERROGATION AND PUNISHMENT INCREASES LIES
- Yelling or screaming at children or washing their mouths out with soap or smacking them increases the likelihood of lies
- The harsher the consequence the greater the motivation of the child to lie to avoid punishment
- Long drawn out angry discussions, lectures and reprimands aimed at preventing lies increase them as a way to avoid
WHAT REDUCES THE LIKELIHOOD OF LIES
- Remaining calm
- Showing understanding
- Finding out how your child feels about the lie
Pay attention to what your child lies about. This may give you a clue as to whether rules are overly strict and in need of some modification. Lies about money or possessions in older children might signal a need for a part-time job.
If your 5 year old gets a note from the teacher about being disruptive in class and doesn't bring the note home you will likely get a call from the teacher. Your child when asked is likely to deny any knowledge of the note.
At this point even though you may feel frustrated, angry and disappointed, it is best to stay calm. If you are calm and treat lies as a part of growing up, you will be able to say something neutral like, "I guess you didn't want me to see the note from your teacher." If you pass judgment and pressure your child, you are unlikely to learn what happened and why your child was disruptive.
The why is not important what is important is that you don't encourage your child to lie with by over reacting. Instead, you want to connect to your child, by saying, "Sometimes it is hard to sit still in class. Is it harder for you before recess or after recess to sit still and pay attention?"
What you will have done is connect to your child. You may learn what it is that your child is struggling with or feeling. Instead of becoming upset and overreacting, you will be inviting a discussion about what was behind the note and made yourself available as a resource, thereby enhancing your ability to have positive influence.
After a brief talk, natural consequences are best. A short note to the teacher by your child saying they did not give the note to you and a request for a new note is sufficient.
By taking a few moments and considering the unthinkable, that you are encouraging your child to lie when you are harsh or punitive, you will be able to shift your mindset. Parenting is filled with stresses but no matter how difficult the situation or how unbelievable the new research, you can avoid undesirable results by connecting, staying calm, listening, clear limits and fresh starts.
Parents, are you interested in additional powerful parenting information to free you from the daily frustration of unmet parenting expectations? You can discover other powerful resources to effective parenting at http://one-step-ahead-parenting.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sandra_Dye |
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