My Rock Bottom Became My Launching Pad!

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Was channel surfing the other day and came upon The Oprah Winfrey Show where Oprah was interviewing JK Rowling in Scotland. Half-way through the show, I found myself sobbing and crying as I learned about Jo's (as she is fondly called) struggles before becoming the first billionaire author of all time. I was crying because our lives had so many parallels, I thought she was telling me about my life right now and rather than talking about her past!



Don't mean to brag or, worse, sound delusional but couldn't help see the common points in both our lives:

I loved what she said about the turning point in her life,

"My rock bottom became my solid foundation..."

But I had to rephrase that in a way that reflects my life now:

"My rock bottom became my LAUNCHING PAD!"

You see the person I am now vaguely resembles the person I was known since birth until last year. I was known to be pampered, lazy, physically weak, temperamental; probably it is best summed up as BRAT. To give you an idea this was what used to be my daily routine:

7:15 a.m. Wake up, take a bath, dress up for work
8:20 a.m. Drive to work
8:40-9:00 a.m. Arrive at work usually late, praying that I arrive ahead of my boss
5:30 p.m. Leave work6:00 p.m. Arrive home watch TV or play PC games while waiting for dinner

7:30 p.m. Dinner with Marti

8:00 p.m. Wash up, watch more TV or more web surfing

12:00 a.m. Go to sleep

That's what I do on weekdays; imagine how much more idle I was on the weekends!

But last year, I hit rock bottom. The mounting tension between me and my Dad was becoming unbearable. At my sister's hospital room while she was on labor in April 2010, my Dad tried to strangle me in a heated argument about him always taking the side of his sisters and his mistresses over my sister and I. If it wasn't for my Uncle (my Mom's brother), it would have been a close call. He declared right there and then that he was abandoning us, particularly my son and I whom he promised to always take care of with me being a single parent. He knew it was the worse thing he could do to us since Marti and I had no one to financially depend on but him and he used that to hurt me in the worst possible way. I almost got convinced that it was the end of everything and I decided to leave everything behind; even my son who solely depended on me.

One evening, I sent a farewell letter/ semi-last will addressed to my sister and faxed it to my brother-in-law's office since they didn't have internet access. I bought a ticket and was already on a provincial bus heading north when God kept tugging at my heart, showing me images in my mind of my son when he was a baby. After the last call, I ran out of the bus as fast as I could ---God's working hand No.1.

But I couldn't go home so I asked permission from my boss' daughter, Mrs. Moras if I could stay at the office overnight as I was heading somewhere early morning. I think Mrs. Moras sensed my anxiety and offered me to stay in her house in Bel-Air and if I wanted to talk. I broke down in tears, feeling love from a person who was not even a relative---God's working hand No. 2

I politely declined, sincerely thanked her and spent the night at the office. At 4:00 a.m., I realized my car hasn't been picked up by my brother-in-law as I instructed in my farewell letter so I had to bring it home. I waited until 7:30 a.m. calculating the time, making sure I'd be there when Marti and my Dad left for school and for work. To my surprise, Marti stayed home and hugged me, begging me to stay---God's working hand No. 3

Was intent on leaving, despite Marti's pleas because I was thinking he'd be better taken cared of by my Sister and his Papa who are both financially capable. When my Dad leaves, I cannot risk dragging Marti with me to homelessness and bankruptcy. I tried to appear stern and quiet and ignored the phone calls and text messages from my Sister, my friends, my Ninang Joy from the States, my Uncle but the last text message I accidentally read came from someone I least expected: it was from Mrs. Peña, my boss' 80 year-old wife and to this day I have not erased that message from my phone that changed my life forever:

"M in bed still sick hv just read ur letter that JNP (my boss' initials) brought home. Sad not to hv noticed ur state of mind and offer u my shoulders to cry on but m offering them to you now everyone has problems n if u cannot find the silver lining look around u n see that u r not alone and that others r even worse off so cheer up n shove your troubles away if I were to tell u mine u would be shocked. take a few days n if u want to talk call me n we can hv lunch. take care now n b happy lv COP (her initials)"

And then I broke down. Apparently, the draft of my farewell letter ended up in the inbox of our office e-mail so my boss ended up reading it! What's even more funny, my brother-in-law left his office early the previous day so he never got the letter! My Sister only found out I was gone when Marti called her the following morning --- God's working hand No. 4

It was then that I literally and absolutely felt God's hand working in my life. He would not allow me to throw everything away because all this time "everything" was according to His plan and it was His turn to take over.

The first person I called was not my Sister, not my friends and none of my relatives. It was Mrs. Peña and I heard the overwhelming and sincere relief in her voice when she heard me on the other line. The next day when she invited me over for lunch and a heart-to-heart talk, Mrs. Peña gave me the words that became the fuel to my launching pad:

"To hell with everybody, it's you that is important!"

She told me that if you don't take care of yourself, nobody else will and besides who would take care of the people you care for so much like your son, your sister, your new nephew, among many others?

So with those words, I slowly changed and improved my life starting with my daily routine. The impact on just utilizing time was so great that it had a domino effect in the many changes in my life! I realized that if I wasn't so lazy, I had so much spare time I could use to develop my skills, improve my personality, and even earn additional income! And most of all, there is so much more I could do to find time and serve the Lord! So now this has been my daily routine for almost a year now:

5:15 a.m. Wake up, take a bath
5:45 a.m. Dress up, put on make up for work
6:30 a.m. Kiss Marti before he leaves, Leave condo, commute via tricycle
and jeep going to work
7:00 a.m. Arrive at office, eat breakfast while checking e-mail and
updating Facebook page of millicentmelissa (our handmade
accessories business), or work at oDesk (virtual assistant job),
buy or sell or review stock investment in Citisec online
8:15 a.m. Finish web surfing or oDesk job, start organizing office work
8:30 a.m. Office work starts
12:00 nn Lunch break (usually skip eating since I ate heavy breakfast), update
posts in earning blogs, review/ research on internet and social
network marketing lessons.
1:30 p.m. Back to office work
5:00 p.m. Leave office, go straight home or buy groceries for dinner or proceed
to Single Parents Care group (on Mondays) or fetch Marti then off to
Makati Feast (on Thursdays)
5:30 p.m. Arrive home and cook dinner while talking to Marti about our day
7:00 p.m. Dinner with Marti or Makati Feast or Single Parents Care group
8:00 p.m. Start oDesk job
9:00 p.m. Novena to God's Love prayer with Marti then back to oDesk
11:00 p.m. Finish oDesk then read book or crochet to unwind
11:30 p.m. Go to sleep.

So it's never too late to change for the better. I know because I went through it! But my Friend, I pray that you don't have to reach rock bottom before you find your launching pad. But even if you do, just trust God that there's nowhere else to go but up and He would always be there to make sure that your fueled enough to reach your star!

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Manna Stories

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In want of a good read, I went through my mini (more of micro-mini) library and decided to re-read all of my Bo Sanchez books starting with Simplify and Create Abundance.

I was in the part about the manna stories and suddenly realized that ever since I renewed my relationship with God with the help of the Makati Feast that my life is actually full of manna stories, more now that I am in the desert of my life: sole breadwinner and no one to depend on after years of support from my parents and relatives. 

Just a few weeks ago prior to the opening of classes, Marti and I went to the mall to buy school shoes, the only item missing from our list for school stuff. Checking my savings account I had P2,000.00 left. Wow. And payday was one week away! Bravely, I withdrew P1,000.00 and whispered a prayer to leave us enough for dinner and taxi fare. Guess what. The only shoes that would fit Marti cost P700.00! That night we went home with only P100.00 in my wallet, just enough for my fare going to work the following day. Marti saw the worried look on my face again and tried to comfort me saying, "don't worry Mom, God will provide!" I tried to smile because the worst thing I want Marti to feel is my panic and although he was trying to console me,  I saw a tinge of worry in his face too. Growing up, I experienced the same thing from my Mom and I dreaded seeing her worry so my sister and I grew up not asking for anything even when our family finances improved very well starting our high school years.

Following day Friday, I went to work almost in tears, desperately asking God for a miracle that day. Soon as I arrived the office, I posted in Facebook that I was praying for a miracle and several Makati Feasters offered consolation and prayers. Was so touched that they didn't even know what it was I needed and yet they were there helping! Moments later, the miracle arrived via e-mail and barely 2 hours from asking for it: 

Apparently, I earned a commission from promoting my internet mentor Jomar Hilario's seminars. An American visited one of my blogs and joined Jomar's Online Mentoring Club from within my site! As I told Marti about the story, he converted the commission less the taxes and told me that I would be getting roughly P900.00---same amount I spent last night on his shoes and for dinner. Yep, that's manna alright!

So the Lord has proven yet again that "You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it."---Matthew 21:22.

And once again, the Lord has shown me that He is busily although stealthily working His plans in my life and as long as I put my entire trust in Him, He will remain faithful to His promises.

So what's your manna story?


***Pahabol!!!***

My title picture reminded me of the first story I had originally wanted to blog about manna stories!

It goes like this: on my 2nd day as a commuter---my car was being overhauled prior to finally selling it---I was counting my fare and realized that it was lacking P1.00 for my tricycle-jeepney-tricycle ride to work! So I had to borrow some coins from my Grace To Be Born piggy bank and headed out the door. I hopped on to a jeepney bound for Libertad and since I was the only passenger, I had to slid nearer to the driver to pay the fare. As I came near the driver, I saw something shiny on the seat: it was a P1.00 coin! Was smiling throughout the ride, feeling God's generosity in that single coin and later that night, this story was what I shared in the warm-up segment of the Makati Feast where the emcee asked us to share "what made you smile today?".

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When God Speaks, It's Rarely A Whisper!

Ok, this post has been long overdue. I've been writing it for almost 2 weeks and after several paragraphs, I had to scratch the entire thing! Much like the inspiring talk of our Feast Builder, Brother Randy Borromeo at the first-ever Makati Feast Sunday held last May 29, 2011 at the Makati Cinema Square.

As Bro. Randy narrated, he had been preparing his talk, "Ready, Set, Grow" (hope I got the title right) for 3 weeks and yet in the middle of it, he decided to throw away his script. He said "this is isn't working" and put aside the papers in his hand. I think I know what he meant. There was this heavy silence in the room which is so unlikely of our Feast gatherings. I thought I heard a tinge of disappointment in Bro. Randy's voice but it wasn't after all. Because when Bro. Randy raised his hand and claimed that there was someone in the audience desperately in need of healing and that his prayer was so powerful, Bro. Randy had to put aside his script, we were witnessing the true meaning of TOTAL SURRENDER to God's will! Literally, "Let go and let God"!

When Bro. Randy asked those people who needed healing because of the hopeless and terminal illness they were diagnosed with to stand up, several people stood up from our row and Marti and I prayed hard with the rest of the Feasters. I felt a little guilty again for despairing due to our financial difficulties when these brothers and sisters were experiencing far worse problems than we had. 

Suddenly Bro. Randy said, "there is someone here who has been ill in the stomach for so long. God wants you to know that there is hope and I want you to stand up and receive healing!" Marti looked at me with amazement, as I stood up, holding his hand and saying "Oh my God!"  It felt like I was splashed with a pail of cold water! I've lived with my digestive problems---IBS---for so long, I thought of it as not an illness anymore but something I just had to live with for the rest of my life! Until God called me out on that day...that Sunday that will stay in my memory for as long as I live! 

Brother Michael Angelo Lobrin put it best when he said, "I bow before your Majesty, o Lord!" With tears flooding, I was humbled again by the power of God's love. The Lord made me realize that He doesn't give up even when we give up!

So remember, when you think everything in your life seem hopeless, trust in the Lord because He will never ever lose faith in You!

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Riding in Cars...with God

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Woke up Sunday morning, almost dragging my feet to the bathroom to get ready for Sunday mass.

I was a little anxious again, seeing the mounting bills on my computer desk. Just the day before, the salary loan I got was almost depleted in an instant just for Marti's books, school supplies and uniform. Thinking back, his books and supplies cost as much as my high school tuition back in 1992! And by next week I would be needing another P10,000.00 to pay for household bills alone.

Felt a little ashamed of my anxiety, having thanked the Lord just a few weeks back that I am now paying all of the bills and not just my own. That was the first wish I crossed out from my Novena to God's Love: to become financially independent. I was independent alright, I am now the only breadwinner of our family when my Dad got remarried in December 2010 and moved out. What I should have wished for was to become "financially abundant" so that I wouldn't be a nerve-wreck every time a bill is delivered to my door!

Was close to tears again, asking the Lord what else did He want from me. Through the Makati Feast I learned to completely trust in the Lord. I felt my life~ actually my entire being~ transformed by the Feast in so many ways:

• Depend on The Heavenly Father instead of my earthly father? Done! Everyday I hold God to His promise: "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matthew 6:26)
• Become more generous through the practice of tithing? Done!
• Become financially independent by increasing my earning capacity? Done! Aside from my day job as the Executive Secretary to the Consul General, I took up internet marketing and virtual assistant workshops from Jomar Hilario so now I manage 12 earning blogs, put-up a promising handmade accessories business and recently became a virtual assistant, earning part-time in dollars.

So WHAT, WHAT, WHAT else is there left to do to gain financial abundance?!!

I was becoming exasperated...

Then, in my sanctuary~in our condo that would be the bathroom~ I saw the free May 2011 issue of Kerygma I got from the Feast and from its pages God's answer suddenly hit me like a lightning bolt! As soon as I opened it, this was the passage I saw:

God calls you to be the driver.

God wants you to hold the steering wheel of life

Okay, I might be taking this literally but it suddenly dawned on me that I may have improved so many aspects of my life but I haven't changed at all as a driver!

Filipino drivers are one of the worst in the world but I tell you I'm up there in the list of the worst!

- Never observed speed limits

- Cussed at every bus, jeepney, tricycle, motorcycle drivers I encounter. Even told myself that if I ever become a serial killer (that probably comes from watching too many episodes of CSI and Criminal Minds), I would mow down those pesky motorcyclists who think the 1-foot gap between vehicles is their designated lanes!

- Yellow-blind when it comes to traffic lights

- "There is no law against swerving" is my mantra

Okay, okay...when God makes a point, He really does and most of the time with an exclamation point!

So now, I will make "BECOME A DECENT AND LAW-ABIDING DRIVER" as part of my 7 wishes in the Novena to God's Love. Wait, better yet I will make this one instead: "LORD, GRANT ME FINANCIAL ABUNDANCE THROUGH THE PROSPERITY OF MY ACTUAL AND ADDITIONAL INCOMES SO THAT I MAY HIRE A DECENT AND LAW-ABIDING DRIVER!"

Hahahaha...just kidding! Will choose the first one to help me a lot in my transformation as a better Christian.

So when you're down, always find time to talk to the Lord because rest assured He is there listening and if you open your eyes and your heart, you might instantly get an answer!

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Best Mothers' Day So far

May 8, 2011 was the Mothers' Day I will never forget.

The day started out as bleak. Short in cash for the past few weeks, anxiety was eating me up so I had to pawn my gold dangling earrings for us to have enough for groceries and bill payments for the week. I know it's just jewelry but my heart was breaking because it was the first set I bought for myself, a gift for finally getting the high salary grade I deserve. Pawning it gave me a feeling of defeat and desperation.

I was almost in tears on our way to Sunday mass at the the National Shrine of the Sacred Heart when Marti tried to cheer me up saying, "Don't worry, Mom, God will replace your earrings with diamonds!" My son's faith and hope almost made me smile. I'm proud that I was able to raise him that way.

Inside the church, it wasn't fully-packed as we were attending the lunch-time mass and we had a full 30 minutes to wait. I was admiring how beautiful this church is and saw the Marriage Banns on the LCD screen when I told Marti that when I get married, I'd want to get married here at the Shrine. He asked if I was sure even if the aisle wasn't that long---he remembered our conversation about the Royal Wedding---and I told him that it was okay, what's important was what the church meant to me.

I suddenly remembered that we've been going to the Shrine for the past 7 years and my first experience here wasn't a good one. Our first Christmas eve mass there, I was approached by one of the usherettes and asked if I could be the wine bearer during the Offertory and I gladly accepted. But when the usherette asked where my husband was and I told her that I wasn't married, she hurriedly took back the offer---without even apologizing. It was one of the rare moments I was discriminated against for being a single mother. And it was Christmas eve on top of that.

Nevertheless, it was here that made my relationship with God more profound than ever, even compared to my Catholic-school days. It was where I went to mass more than once a week, heard confession monthly, where I got inspired to join a weekly prayer meeting at the Makati Feast and where my son and I became closer amidst his academic and our personal problems. I thanked the Lord for bringing us to San Antonio Village and making the Shrine our refuge.

In between my silent prayer, an usherette came to our side and asked if me and my son would agree to be the bread and wine bearers for the Offertory. I had to ask the lady twice considering my previous experience, even told her I wasn't married and she replied, "it's okay ma'am, we'd like to ask you and your son to be the offerers for this mass since it's Mothers' Day."

Wow.

I looked at the image of the Sacred Heart and He was smiling down at me! I had to fight down the giggle from the surprise that He gave me on that very day. And as Marti and I walked down the aisle, bearing the wine and communion wafers, he whispered to me, "So how do you like Jesus' Mothers Day gift to you, Mom?"

I couldn't ask for anything more!

So Happy Mothers' Day to all the Moms and remember that no matter how desperate and hopeless your day is, have faith that the Lord is watching and is about to give you your best day yet!

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Visiting the Exhibit of Relics of over 300 Saints

After Sunday mass, Marti and I visited the month-long exhibit of Holy Relics of over 300 Saints at our parish church, the National Shrine of the Sacred Heart in San Antonio Village, Makati City.

The display was already fascinating but when the curator (forgot her name) told the story of how the relics came to Manila, we and all of the visitors there were utterly amazed!

According to the curator:

Back in early 2000, Filipino Clifford Chua joined the World Youth Day in Rome. One very cold night while preparing to sleep at their camp, Clifford saw another camper shivering near him. Out of pity, he offered a beach towel and 3 pieces of "Skyflakes" crackers. Eventually, the shivering slowly disappeared and the camper was grateful.

The following morning, the camper returned the towel to Clifford and expressed his thanks for his help. Turned out the camper was a Frenchman and they exchanged addresses, promising to keep in touch. The young men started corresponding to each other after they returned to their respective countries and eventually the Frenchman invited Clifford visit him one day in France.

Five years later, on his way to the 2005 World Youth Day in Cologne, Germany, Clifford decided to visit his friend in France. He expected to be toured around the Frenchman's parish but to his surprise, his friend was living in a 17th century château. It turned out Clifford's friend was a French nobleman belonging to a royal family! So as they toured around the chateau, Clifford noticed a chapel being renovated and saw two small frames embedded on the wall about to be demolished. Upon closer look, the frames contained the very rare relics of ancient 365 Saints! He asked his French friend what would be done to the relics but did not get an outright answer.

Upon his return to the Philippines, Clifford could not get the relics out of his mind: wondering and feeling sorry if those relics just ended up in a storage somewhere.

 A few weeks later, Clifford received a parcel from France and upon opening same, he could not believe that it contained the 365 relics, given to him by his French friend as a gift!

Marti infront of the relics from the Italian Church freighted to Manila

The latest update is that when His Eminence Cardinal Gaudencio Rosales visited the exhibit this month, Clifford decided to donate all the relics to the Archdiocese of Manila where it would now have a permanent home and where people can view and venerate them.

 

Relic of the Holy Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ

Why do we venerate relics?

Relic from the Cincture of the Blessed Virgin Mary and
from the Cloak of St. Joseph

What do we express when we venerate relics?

One of the frames containing over 100 relics
embedded in the wall of the chapel in the French château 

Relics of the Children of Fatima

St. Marie Eugenie,
Patroness of Assumptionists

St. Magdalene

St. Martin de Porres

The 12 Apostles
(Judas was replaced by St. Paul)

Here's a video of the exhibit and I hope you could visit before it ends on Sunday, November 28 2010:

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My Marti just turned 11!

Whew, time sure flies really, really fast! My Marti just turned 11 years old last October 8, 2010 and although we had a very simple celebration, Marti was very happy. And that's what's more important!

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