With the end of summer comes the inevitable stress of getting your children ready for another school year. This, of course, is stressful for parents, children, siblings, and even grandparents. We all hope that our kids will be safe, have great teachers, and perform well in school. Below are some things to consider in order to help your child have a successful school year.
1. Do not compare children to siblings. People perform better in different areas and it is difficult to live up to unrealistic expectations. Children are individuals and should only be encouraged to perform to the best of their ability. For some, that might be a 95 average, while for others, it might be a 75 average.
2. Celebrate each and every positive moment and downplay the negatives. Nothing puts a child in shut down mode more quickly than being scolded for bad grades or incomplete homework assignments. Understand that students who struggle are looking for an excuse to stop working altogether. Too often, parents provide that excuse by yelling, taking away privileges, and making the child feel worse than he or she already feels. You need to find out what the problem is before you can fix it. Are the assignments too difficult? Has your child gone for extra help? Have you contacted the teacher? Is a tutor necessary? You need to walk before you run and you must also investigate before you "fly off the handle". Catch your kids doing something RIGHT!
3. Set up a plan. Don't take privileges away; add MORE privileges into the mix. Not only does this help to motivate your child, but he will certainly think you have gone crazy and the shock alone will send him to the books! If your child wants free time of 20 minutes, say "NO, you can have 45 minutes but ONLY after your work is done." Students should take SHORT breaks from work every 20 minutes in order to re-energize. Breaks should be taken away from the study area. As the school year progresses, you can wean the rewards. Many people think this is bribery but it is not. Clearly you are going to give your child a choice while letting him or her know that whether they want the free time or not, the work must get done. Extra privileges are simply a bonus.
4. Don't OVERHELP! Of course there is no such word as overhelp, but so many parents fall into this trap that I decided to make it up. Enabling is a huge mistake. Students learn by figuring things out for themselves. They do NOT learn by writing down regurgitated facts that they quote from their parents. Don't tell, ASK. If your child asks for the capital of New York say, "What do you think it is? Where can you look up the answer to that question?"
5. Get them organized. Depending on the level, students work best in looseleaf notebooks. Spiral notebooks make it difficult to save work when it is returned. Spiral notebooks also force children to throw their work in a folder which gets very disorganized. All papers should have your child's name and date. The notebook should have different sections. Examples of appropriate sections are Classwork, Homework, Tests and Quizzes. Students need to learn that when studying for a unit test, they can review all relevant classwork, homework, and quizzes in order to review material that they have learned. Supply them with a holepuncher for teacher handouts so they can be placed CHRONOLOGICALLY in the proper section of the notebook.
6. Communicate. You should speak on the phone, via email or snail mail with your child's teacher as often as possible. Progress reports come out every five weeks and by then half the quarter is over and this is too late. Look at your child's grades and tests every so often WITH your child. Do NOT make negative comments. Your child should show you each page of his or her notebook and explain to YOU how the notebook is organized. Don't say, "This notebook is a mess." Instead, say, "This is a good start but what can you do to make this even better?" (Warning: If you touch your child's notebook you will get the cooties so stay away)
7. Don't compare. If your child's friend is getting a higher grade in a class than your child, that has no bearing on your child's performance. All children learn in different ways. There are a variety of modalities with which children learn and some children react better to certain teachers and perform differently in certain subjects.
8. Clean Learning Space. A child's desk should be neat, well lit, have a semi-comfortable chair. No studying should take place in bed. Pens, erasers, pencils, paper, paper clips, stapler...all should be within reach.
9. If you need to take your child's cell phone during study time then do it. You are paying the bill so you make the rules. If you need the computer off when your child is studying then do it. Otherwise text messages and instant messages will rule their universe. There are far too many distractions in our society and while you can't always limit those outside of your house, you can certainly control them inside your own home.
10. Team effort. If your child is to succeed, he or she needs you, the teacher, and personal commitment to work hard. You MUST set expectations high and except no less than 100% effort. You need to all work together with your child on a daily basis in order to succeed. If grades start to fall or problems arise, you must act swiftly and be in organized mode, not panic mode.
If possible, it is a good idea to visit colleges with your child NOW. If a child is only ten years old this is still a great time to let them see what hard work can accomplish. There is nothing like the look on a ten year old's face when he or she sees a college library, swimming pool or gymnasium.
Best of luck for a successful and stress free school year.
