What Brand Are You?

 

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This article was previously published at the Makati Feast Glorietta Bulletin last June 16, 2013.

Disgrasiyada. Immoral. Hiwalay. Sinner.

Believe it or not, these social stigmas are still being attached to single parents today. I don’t know if it’s just plain luck but in my 13 years as a single mom, I have yet to meet someone who would scoff at me and brand me with those words.

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Running on Empty

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A few weeks back, I got a PM via Facebook from a school friend whom I haven't seen since we graduated years ago (won't say here what year to protect her identity. And my age...LOL). She asked how I was coping with the loneliness that comes from being a single mom, since she was one herself.


The first thing that came into my mind was "I was?" Well, of course she only knew of the Milli who posted usually positive, grateful and inspirational messages on my wall but not the person who lately cries herself to sleep, staring at the empty space on the other half of my bed and wondering about the basketball team that should have been my children--- a dream I've had since I was a little girl growing up with only one sibling. Of course, the trooper that I was, I shared with her how through prayer, renewal of Faith and having a support group helps a lot. I felt like a hack. 

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An Open Letter to Angelina Jolie, The Bravest Mom I Have Ever Known

Dear Angie,

I don't even know if you will ever read this letter but I'm writing it anyway, even if it's just to console the sobbing mess that I am upon reading your revelation in The New York Times about your preventative double mastectomy.

Your courageous decision touched my heart so deeply, as I felt it was made not out of vanity, rather for your children and hopefully for their children. Indeed a mother's love knows no bounds and your choice is a living testament to that. 

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Tapestry

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It has almost been 3 weeks now that I've been asked by my Dad and my Stepmom to be caretaker of their condo unit in Gramercy Residences and guardian of my 3-year old half-sister Gianna.

The experience was challenging with my sister crying almost everyday but I felt giddy, not having been trusted with such an enormous responsibility since I quit my job at the Consulate last year. I knew I could do this and was elated that my Dad even thought of me when he could have asked someone from among his dozens of relatives.

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100 Things You Ought To Know about Me

"The unexamined life is not worth living." ~ Socrates

That's probably the quote from high school that stuck with me the most. So at 38 today, I decided to go back on my life and look if I've examined my life well enough and found the journey quite liberating. 

I thought of sharing here what I found out about myself in the hopes that you'll get an idea of who I am or if you already know me, at least to understand me better. Fair warning, if you get offended by some of the facts I reveal here, I won't be sorry :)

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1. I was at my happiest when I was pregnant with Marti. 

me and my Marti

2. Kindness is always better.

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My Other Half

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Alone on the rooftop with Jon Hopkins' Cold Out There on repeat, I stare at the spiraling glow of the cigarette slowly eating its way to the filter. The never-ending, nagging question presents itself again: Why are you doing this? 

Because it makes me handle the loneliness. Somehow. 

But there's another way to handle that. 

What? I ask and there's just silence. 

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Missing My Babies

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In our usual morning routine, I would sit in the living room and work on oDesk while my nephew Asti would watch his Disney Junior shows and he's into his shows so much, you'll regret it if you so much as touch him while he's watching.

But today as he was watching his favorite Hi-Five, I caressed his back as he was coughing then he smiled at me, took my hand and held it as he continued to watch his show.

I looked at our hands and tears started to burn my eyes. I thought, how I miss my babies. Yes, babies. Because as far as I could remember, I have dreamed of having a brood of five or at least three especially when my Mom only had me and my sister.

Don't get me wrong, I love my son. He's the best thing that's ever happened in my life but I thought he'd have four siblings by now.

Maybe it's because I'll be 38 soon and realizing the 40 years I have left on this earth---if I'm lucky---seem such short a time to spend with my future children if they will ever exist.

But I still look forward to whatever God has in store for me. After all, He is the Restorer of lost time.

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